Old lady stretching

Okay so the title of this post (and the picture) really has no bearing on the actual content but I do love this pic. I'm turned 32 years young this past May, by no means old. I mean AARP has been knocking on my door since I turned 25 but I think that's due to a glitch in their computer system or they have me confused with the lady in the picture above.

Someone said something to me at the gym this morning that just struck me (Holla Annette)and has been nagging at me all day. As we're both staring at the numerous hot rapper video ladies on tv for motivation and climbing higher and higher on the treadmill, desperately trying to shed the "baby weight" before it becomes "weight" that cheeseball song Leavin' by Jesse McCartney comes on my own personal treadmill tv (Holla New York Sports Club). Here I go flying my freak flag- I LOVE THAT SONG! Anyway Jesse is all of, what, 20? But ask any 14 year old and they'll tell you he's very adorable. So as I'm oogleing him with my left eye and looking at Annette's stats on her treadmill with my right I make some off color remark about how "this might sound preverted but I think he's this, that and the other" (I won't repeat what I exactly said b/c my mom reads this blog ;-). She looked at me and said "I've got news for you. You're gonna be saying that a lot more from now on". It took me a second (due to my advanced maternal age) to get it and when I did it hit me like a bag of hammers right in the gut.

Mooooooo

I refuse to go to another wildlife preserve, farm animal venue/petting zoo for the rest of the summer. I have hereby sworn them off until the fall. Something about the smell of goats, chicken coups, buffalo and llama poo in the 92 degree heat that just ceases to appeal to me. If you're looking for me and the kids in the next month or so you'll find us at the beach.

A night out sans the kiddies

Here we are going out for a night on the town (Chinatown to be specific) without the kiddies in the first time in....er....years!!!! Okay so fine it wasn't really a night on the town, more like a wedding but it was in Manhattan and we didn't know anyone so it was almost like going to a club in some far off land. I'd be remiss if I didn't list some of the highlights (insert sarcasm here) of the night so here goes:

-Lobster and melon and mayonaise
-Shark Fin soup
-300+ guests with each one having a photo opp with the happy couple
-Sparklers, bubbles and a smoke machine

This was my first time at a Chinese wedding so all of this stuff was new to me. Many of the stuff they did at the wedding was really neat. For example, at one point during dinner (I use that term loosely) the bride and groom went around to every table and did a toast with the guests seated there. Did I mention there were over 300 people there? I'm left wondering how the bride and groom actually consumated their marriage after all of that toasting. I guess that's not really any of my business though anyway. THe night was interesting, and odd and fun and I missed my kids but it was really nice to spend some time "alone" with the Mr. I look forward to doing it again soon!

Thursday 13 #4 The 13 things that annoyed me the most about losing my stuff

Thirteen Things about Chrissy Okay so yeah ... I guess I'm still not over having my stuff stolen. I guess I'm still working through it. Hopefully this is all the therapy I'll need b/c I'm moving on after this... Pinky swear. 1. Pix and Videos from March 13th to now(that last time I backed up to the external hard drive)- gone. 2. The wallet that Marc got me for Christmas- gone. 3. Had to order a new atm and now have to remember yet another pin/password. 4. The forever wait for new credit cards. 5. Finding out how badly my insurance company sux monkey ass. They really don't have my back. 6. The lecture I got from the cop. Doesnt' he realize I'm the victim? 7. Feeling violated. 8. The DMV 9. Not having anywhere to put my credit cards and license and atm card. 10. Not having any credit cards and a license and an atm card. 11. All of my work files that were lost. 12. THe reminder of how crappy people can really be. 13. The nagging feeling that my identity is going to be stolen.

My own worst enemy

Day 14 of my new life according to exercise and I've lost 3 pounds. It's hard not to be frustrated b/c I am working my ass off and eating like a celebrity (and I don't have a freaking chef) but I keep telling myself that it takes time if you do it right. The same words I tell others when I can tell they are frustrated in their weightloss journies echo in my mind and I poo poo them.

I'm am about as motivated as I've ever been to lose this weight. I've done it before and I WILL do it again. But why does it have to take so long? If I can keep my ownself out of my own head I actually think I could make it fun and the time will fly. It would help if someone up there would throw me a bone and lose me 2 pounds next week for a change......

Do I hear crickets???

Anyway 3 down, 22 to go!!!

Introduction

Blog meet my new computer.
New computer meet my blog.

I know you two will be very happy together. Carry on.

Pondering

Why do insurance companies have to suck so bad?
Why do they act like they are on your side when all they really want to do is rape you for years and then screw you in your time of need?
Why do people say that you need insurance to protect yourself when all they really want to do is protect their own ugly asses?
Why is it that I was on the phone with 4 insurance companies yesterday and 1 was nasty and 3 were nice?
Why is it that the one nasty company is the one that I've paid over 20K to in the last 8 or so years and the 3 nice ones were trying to get me to pay them for the next 8 years so they could eff me at some point in the future?

Perspective

Okay. So as you might have already have guessed I was a little raw yesterday when I posted my "dear theif" letter. I just re-read it and cringed a little. I had a long day yesterday aside from the wallet and laptop, et al theivery.

Some of the major things that occurred yesterday are as follows:

*One of marc's friends from high school was shot in his home saturday night by an unknown assailant. The story is right out of a movie. Friend is home saturday night. Assailant knocks on the door. Friend answers. Assailant says "are you joe schmo?". Friend says "yes". Assailant shoots friend 3 times in the chest. Friend lives!!!!!!!! A miracle if ever there was one!

* A good friend of ours' baby girl (8 months old) fell down a full flight of stairs. She's perfectly fine. Another miracle. This hits home pretty deep b/c this is one of my biggest fears in my own house)

In comparison, my missing items pale. Yeah it's a hassle and my faith in hummanity is a little bruised at the moment but..... Considering what others were going through yesterday my woes seem trite. I almost deleted yesterday's thread but am leaving it because this is MY blog and that's how I was jiving yesterday.

To the powers that be: I don't hope that poor soul who ganked my stuff dies in a bus accident or gets struck by lightning. I do however hope he turns my computer on and goes to my favorites and reads this blog. I also hope he sees the pix of my babies and feels shitty about what he's done. Maybe he'll think twice next time he thinks about stealing from someone.

To the fucking slimey piece of ass wart that stole my stuff

I hope on the way from wherever you were going when you stole my laptop and wallet that you got hit by a bus. I hope you lived long enough for an oppossum to squate over your mouth and shit down your throat and then died.

You fucking disgrace. You fucking waste of hemoglobin. Do the world one favor (if you can find it in your puny, rotting heart) and sign your organ donor card so your life isn't a complete utter waste.

I hope when you're looking at the pictures of my brand new baby that I cannot replace lightnening strikes you and your dearest loved one at the same time in front of a crowd of onlookers. And I hope those onlookers laugh.

Haiku Friday #4 An ode to my blog

Becuase I think it feels neglected:

My dear bloggy boo
I hope you know just how much
I deeply love you

Don't always say it
But this haiku should tell you
It's my ode to you

Please dont fret when I
visit other blogs on the sphere
No need to worry

So there you have it
A day in the life of a
You're the one for me

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz's

Here is the email exchange that just went back and forth between me and my mom (Marc's idea):

Me- What are you doing tonight?
Mom- Writing a letter to Newsday. Why?
Me- We would like to know if you would like to come over and spend some quality time with your grandson Luke (the 7 week old boy child that still wakes every 2 hours overnight) between the hours of 10 pm and 8 am?
Mom- I'll have to check my schedule... OK, I'm available.
Me- WOOOOOOOOOOFUCKINHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I have ice cream sundaes.

If you could see us now.... Marc and I are doing the Roger Rabbit dance.

Yoga- isn't it

supposed to be refreshing and relaxing???? I must be doing something wrong b/c I'm neither refreshed nor relaxed right now. My legs actually feel quite a bit like rubber bands that have been stretched to the max and just won't snap back. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I am waaaaaaay out of shape. Or becuase my my "core" looks nothing like a core right now but rather a bag of uncooked pizza dough. I guess I have to practice and eventually It'll be relaxing and refreshing and beneficial...at least that's what Augusta says. I'll give her a few more weeks to prove her case and if she fails I'm taking up meditation.

Haiku Friday # 3 Cliff and Lola

two of the nicest
little girls around indy
they bring mom such joy

came into this world
on one lovely summer day
the apple of steve's eye

Thursday 13 #3 a pictorial re-cap of last weeks 13

Thirteen Things about Chrissy 1. Cheeseburgers 2. Beer 3. Hanging with family and friends (figured I highlight some faithful blog readers ;-) 4. Eva hanging with her cousins (and mom) 5. Finally getting the swingset up 6. Hiroko's stuffed shells 7. The start of a 3 day weekend...ummmmmmm... 8. Help with Lukey 9. Fresh Air- using artistic license on this one 10. My award winning skirt steak- believe it or not it was eaten before I could even get a picture!!! 11. Matching 4th of July outfits 12. Fireworks- it rained like crazy so we didn't see any ;-( 13. Not needing a designated driver

Muffin Top

Blaaaaaagh I have one!!! Having 2 kids in 2 years has left me with a crusty, doughy mid section and I'm stressing on it. Going to the beach today with an 8 month pregnant friend whose probably smaller than I ever was isn't helping matters. Anyway, I'm 6 weeks postpartum and, much to my dismay, allowed to exercise now so tonight I start back at the gym. I am taking over Marc's membership that he hasn't used in 3 months so he can stop feeling guilty about not going and I can start. We'll see what I have left in my trouble spots when I lose the finally 14 pounds that I need to unload and then I'm going to start thinking about a "mommytuck".

I think I've mentioned this before but how did I get so old?????

Back to the grind

.... Kind of. I've decided for my sanity and (I'm guessing) for the sanity of my kids I am going back to work for a few hours a week. I do enjoy working from home but it has it's challenges. Something that takes me an hour at the office can run me up to 4 hours at home with the myriad of distractions (dirty diapers, burps, puzzles, "fwingsets", cheerios, sippy cups, the sprinkler, Jerry Springer, Mac N Cheese, etc.). Additionally, there are a few things that I do that require peace and quiet...something that is extremely hard to come by at 18 Rainbow these days. When I do happen upon a minute of quiet (where I'd like to call a customer) it's short lived. By the time I finished gooing poopoos on the da potty...er I mean taking care of personal biz, having something to eat and on the rare occasion **gasp** showering, said P&Q is gone.

Today is my first day back. I'm looking forward to it. The kiddies will spend a few hours with Memar, whom they adore and I get to go to work and destress LOL. Who'da thunk it!?!?!?! Going to work to destress!!! I can so see why Marc rushes out the door sometimes to go to work.

Mission Impossible

You'd think someone who could steer a grocery cart with her knee while pushing it with her elbow and holding a pacifier in one kid's mouth and feeding another kid raisins could figure out how to cut a toddlers toenails, right? I'm pretty resourceful and consider myself a problem solver for the most part but this one has me stumped.

Not only am I going to need therapy for my BPD but Eva needs to go for her nailclipper phobia. It's bad! Not only does she flip out and practically puke and hyperventilate when I try and do her nails but now she won't even let me do her brother's.

WTF am I going to do? Eva is gonna look like Shridhar Challal (see pic above) if I don't figure this puzzle out FAST.

Big Portion Disease

or BPD. It's was Marc affectionately named my compulsion to buy or make 3 times (at least) as much food as needed for whatever event I'm buying or making for. I wonder what part of my brain is deffiencient or what childhood trauma fuels that need. It truely is a compulsion.

Here I sit waiting for the coffee to brew, biting my nails b/c "I just know" I'm not going to have enough food for today. I'm such a fucktard. Marc went shopping yesterday and bought a blue billion hamburgers and hot dogs and steaks and pasta salad and beer and soda and juice and wine and chips and dip. People are bringing corn, and anitpasto salad and stuffed shells and cake and coffee and fruit, etc and still I sit stressing about not having enough "side dishes". It's bizarre considering the crew would probably not think twice about eating a bowl of cereal if that's all I had.

So in order to get my fix I went out after marc got home from the store under the rouse of needing potato chips and ice pops and got some asparagus and mushrooms to grill. Now today after a night of tossing and turning over the whole thing I am sending Marc out to get some baked beans.

What the hell is wrong with me? Do you think therapy is in order?

Haiku Friday #2 Eva's Ookie

His name is Luke F
To Eva baby Ookie
She adores her Bro

She'd just love to kiss
and hug him all damn day long
That's not all she'd like

Sometimes I just know
she'd like more than anything
to put him bak in "there"

Today's Haiku suggestion was made my Mammar. Feel free to comment and make next weeks suggestion... I may or may not use it...

The quickest way

to get your child to burp/expel that milky gas bubble lodged in his throat or belly or wherever those milk bubbles lodge is to put on a nice clean black shirt. Just a little tidbit I've learned and thought I'd share with y'all.

You scratch my back I'll scratch yours

So tomorrow I am having a "swingset building/4th of July" BBQ. Yeah sure... I know it's sounds a little cheesy to invite people over and put them to work but I swear to cake that it wasn't my idea. I got a text from my mom last week that said "Matt said have a party on the 4th and he'll bring some muscle and put your swingset together". So here I am making a list of all of the stuff (food and booze) I'll need to keep "the muscle" going tomorrow whilst they put Eva's swingset together. Hopefully Matt is whereever he is putting together a list of all of the tools he'll need to put said swingset together since I was not bullshitting when I said all I have is a hammer. I literally only have a hammer. If I scoured the joint I might be able to find 2 hammers. But that's it! No wrench, no wheel barrow, no drill, no ladder... none of it. If you need anything besides a hammer Bro, you best be bringing it.

Thursday Thirteen #2 - Things I'm looking forward to on the 4th

Thirteen Things about tomorrow's BBQ 1. Cheeseburgers 2. Beer 3. Hanging with family and friends 4. Eva hanging with her cousins 5. Finally getting the swingset up 6. Hiroko's stuffed shells 7. The start of a 3 day weekend 8. Help with Lukey 9. Fresh air 10. My award winning skirt steak 11. Matching 4th of July outfits on the kiddies 12. Fireworks 13. Not needing a designated driver

Playdates- Not just for Mommies

The kids actually have fun too. Not as much fun as the Mommies but they have fun. Here is Hannah and Eva dancing it up at the park on Maple Ave in Smithtown to Lori's ghetto ipod stero setup. I think it was Alicia Keyes they were jamming too. Playdates- They're a win win if you ask me.