Pondering Whole Wheat Chocolate Chip Pancakes

Why do I bother pouring and mixing and spilling and flipping and buttering and all that jazz when the pancake is going to be picked apart by little human crow'esque fingers just to get the chips out? Why don't I just dump some gooey chocolate chips on a paper plate and call it breakfast?

Who do you feel worse for? Me or these disemboweled pancake carcassses?

Pondering

How is it fair that it takes 2 long months to take off 13 pounds and 3 days to put 1/3 of it back on? Furthermore, whoever made up the bullshit story that "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" is dead WRONG. If that were the case the steaks and fries and corned beef hash and raspberry vodka lemonades and pina coladas I ate and drank while there would have stayed there, NOT on my hips.

humpffffff

How long does a man

have to be married before he just KNOWS that you simply cannot get feminine hygene products at Lowe's??? I mean like really knows? Like doesn't have to ask anymore??? 6 years? 20 years? What? How many?

One of life's biggest mysteries?

Why do people who want to kill themselves find it necessary to take innocent others out with them when they go? I can't for the effin life of me wrap my brain around that compulsion.

Pondering Plumbing

Why is it that when the plumber is here and the water is turned off my internal plumbing kicks into overdrive?

Pondering Panties

This is the stuff that keeps me up at night.

Why is the word "panties" plural? I get that it's a spin off of pants and it's probably plural because pants is plural, so that begs the question why is the word pants plural? I understand why socks is plural and shoes as well but pants and panties and undies... I don't get it. I've also seen it called a "pair of pants" or a "pair of panties" or a "pair of undies". WHY????? When it's actually only one item of clothing. And since it's a *pair* of pant*s* shouldn't that mean there are actually 4 articles? Pant*s* should mean 2 at the very least and *pair* denotes a quantity of 2 as well. It stands to reason that a pair of pants should be at least 4 items, no? The only thing I can think of is it has something to do with the fact that their are 2 legs/holes in a typical pair of pants/panties. Uggggghhh. Can someone with a grasp of the English language or lots of useless knowledge please let me know why the makers of panties are cooking the books and overinflating their presence so? Please? Kthanxbai.

Pondering

How does someone who only ingests white milky liquid manage to excrete brown spinachy solids? What goes on inside those intestines that can turn the most benign liquid into the most foul solid? Anyone? Beuller? Beuller?

Since we're pondering lets also think on this: What makes said spinachy solid so aerodynamic AND precise allowing it to fly out of a diaper and land exactly precisely on diaperchangers toe and squirm it's way under the nail?