Seperated at birth

Taking a cue from Perez:

Lukey Lif and the late, great Velvet Fog (AKA Mel Torme)= seperated at birth.

PSA for fellow bloggers (Word Verification)

This shite annoys the crap outta me (and I'm not alone). Remove it!!

Kthankxbai!!!

Pardon me while I channel my inner Paris Hilton

Has all of this "going green" hype gotten way to far into my skull?

Picture it: I'm at the gym riding my little butt off on the bike looking around at all of the other mice riding their butts off on the bikes, and the gazelles on the dreadmills, and the crazies on the stair steppers, and those on the rowers and the beefcakes pumping iron and a thought occurs to me. One that I've had before but have never expressed to anyone for fear they will think I'm a complete dunce.

We are peddling away, burning calores, working up a sweat, expending energy and where is that energy going???? Off into lala land. Why can't we harness it? Hook a box up to each of the machines (NEXT TO NOT IN PLACE OF the personal tv) that stores all of my energy and give me a break on my LIPA bill the faster I go. Why the heck can't that work??? Come on people let's think outside of the box here. At the very least make my own ass responsible for powering my own personal treadmill tv.

I'm just the idea person and no whiz at the science stuff so it's up to someone else now to come up with the mechanics but by george I think this could work!!!

A sweet muffin puppy or a scary evil dictator?????

Lukey's first face painting experience:

We got about 4 whiskers and half a sweet little moist nose in before lukey had a complete spaz attack. Is it me or does he not slighly resemble that terrible man, Adolf Hitler?

No pix of Eva getting her face painted because she would have none of it! NONE. She wouldn't even let me have my own face painted.

Deep thoughts

If no one I know sees me at the gym does it still count as going?

Time to clean out Eva's crib?

Anyone who's ever retrieved Eva from her crib after a nap knows she likes to sleep with a few friends. Well I just put her down for a nap and as per usual she's doing roll call before she drifts off. Here's what I'm listening to on the monitor:

Eva: Baby Alice!
imaginary baby alice voice: here!
Eva: Elmo!
imaginary elmo voice: here!
Eva: Kelsey! (her other baby)
imaginary Kelsey voice: here!
Eva: Elmo too (another elmo different from the first one mentioned)
imaginary Elmo too voice: here!
Eva: girasse!
imaginary girrafe voice: here!
Eva: Tebby bear!
Imaginary teddy bear voice: here!
Eva: Kissord!
Imaginary clifford the big red bear voice: here
Eva: Elmo too! (different from one and 2 elmos mentioned)
imaginary 3rd elmo voice: here!
Eva: Baby brett
imaginary baby brett voice: here
Eva: Big Pooh!
imaginary big pooh voice: here
Eva: baby pooh!
imaginary baby pooh voice: here

Is is time to purge the crib of some of eva's stuffies? Yay or Nay. It's NOT a king size crib.

Whiskers

Apparently the girl child needs a set. If she had them she would have known in time that her big ole booty (courtesy of me) was just NOT.GONNA.FIT. in this tiny crevice.

(my foot is there for scale)

(and I realize my baseboards need a good cleaning)

Friday Haiku

Rain rain go away
Come again another day
Eva wants to play

4 months old today

Lukey Doo that is. Holla!!!!!!!!!

What's worse?

Getting up at 5:30 am to take a spin class on a friday morning that is hard as hell???

Or getting there and realizing that the class isn't until 8:30 am?

Mom Hair

I did it. I cut it. I couldn't stand my mop of hair anymore especially since I've officially reached the "post pregnancy hair is falling out in clumps" stage so I caved in to the post pregnancy urge to chop it. Last time I got my hair cut I asked the girl to cut it short and she WOULD NOT do it. She talked me right out of my idea. I should have known that she was gonna give me an problem when I walked in and her hands were at her waist combing her own hair. Anyway, I relayed the story to the girl who did my hair today and she was all "She's not supposed to do that!!!!". LOL I love pitting hairdressers against eachother. By the time I was done telling her the story she wanted nothing more than to give me the "Susan Powter". Okay before you get any crazy ideas there were no buzzers involved. Since I started with hair a few inches below my bra strap 7 inches only brought me up to my collar bone. I may just go back in a week to take another 2 inches off. Without further ado here I be....

DOH

Ever have one of those moments that comes back a while later and slaps you in the face like a big old Homer Simpson "DOH"? I had one yesterday. Picture it *in my best Sophia Petrillo voice* ... It's 1 pm and I'm at the office on my first day on "The Job". Moving, shaking, grooving, getting shiz done, feeling good. My new boss, who I've known for 10 years, who I consider a friend says "You know what Christine??? It's your first day. Why don't you take this account deck report I printed out and get out of here early. Look over it on the train while you're on your way home and we'll discuss it tomorrow". "Cool, takecarebye" I say as a chesire grin spreads across my face. Minutes later as I'm skipping out of the office on my way to the elevator my new boss walks by on his way to The Lou and says "have a good night" and smiles. DOH!!!!!!!!!! Was this simply a good gesture on my bosses part to let me out early, is he buttering me up for something tomorrow, or was this some "New Salesperson Motivation Quotent test" or something and if so.... BUMMER b/c I failed... bigtime.

Ruh Roh Shaggy!

Cheers and Jeers

So today was the day. The day when my 2 year vacation came to a screeching halt. The day that some would say I went "back to work" (as if I've ever stopped)full time for what I've affectionately dubbed and what will heretoforthwence (or something like that) be called "The Job". The day when some would even say I went from being a stay at home mom to a part time mom. As with anything in life this day had its ups and down. What do you want first? The good news or the bad news?

Okay I'll start with the bad, AKA the jeers. I didn't win the lottery and my boss didn't tell me he's gonna pay me and I don't ever have to come in or do anything and I wasn't promoted (yet). I got a blister from my new fab heels. Oh and I missed my kids.

Now for the Cheers. My kids had a groovy time hanging with their cousins and their Aunt and from what I gathered they DID NOT miss me. Although this is a jeer for me I'm listing it as a cheer because afterall it's the kids that really matter right? Work was laid back and fun and exciting, as to be expected on the first day. I hung with a lot of old friends, got acquainted with my new title, had my first conference call, and performed whatever logistical duties I could take care of so that tomorrow I can do some actual work. Lastly, I don't have to deal with a money stressed out hubby tonight because now we have a little more of the proverbial bacon to bring home and throw around (anyone who's seen what happened to the stock market today knows why I have a money stressed hubby).

All things considered I'd say my first day on "The Job" was a success and now I'm home at my other job. Here's where the juggling act gets tricky from what I hear.........

Apple pickin'

One of the many glorious things I love about fall!!!

Thursday 13 #9 Cool things about going back to work

Thirteen Things about YOUR LadyLif Here is a list of 13 things that I don't dread about going back to work full time next week. 1. New Clothes 2. Money in the bank 3. Kiddies spending time with their cuz's 4. Adult interaction 5. Feeling productive 6. Being able to answer the "what do you do question" without feeling like a schmo 7. Heels 8. A new cell phone 9. Reconnecting with old "work friends" 10. No more "money stress" from Marc 11. Something to do 12. Somewhere to go 13. Did I mention MONEY!?!?!?!?

Wordless Wednesday

An Intimate Dinner

How do the parents of a 19 month and a just under 4 month old have a quiet, intimate dinner out on vacation you ask?????

Simple they all go out, sit down, ask to be seated as far away from anyone as possible, praypraypraypraypraypray for quiet children, do ridiculous things to keep 2 small children quiet and then just as the food is coming out when the children start hollering 1 sits outside on a bench with said children while the other eats and then comes in and eats while the other sits outside.

It doesn't get more intimate than "SOLO DINING".

The She Hater Keep A Good Woman Down Weather God is back only

now his name is She and He and Kid Hater Keep a Good Family On Their Very First Vacation Together As A Unit Down Weather God. This is the site from my front car window as we drove into town yesterday:



Aside from the torrential downpour, 2 immediate shit blowouts upon arrival in the room **ON THE BED**, not being able to do anything outside, having very limited dining options due to imcliment weather, and horrendous sleeping arrangements due to a very structured sleeping routine'd 1 year old we are having a glorious time.

More to come about what I've dubbed "The refrigerator incident" and oh yeah...we're coming home today.

Still looking for the rainbow here....

Vacation Alert

We're (Me, marc and the kiddies) going on vacation tomorrow for a few days to finish up the summer season on a good note, get one last beach outing in, eat some amazing fresh seafood, get some fresh air, not miss our yearly Montauk excursion and be away from the monotony of 18 Rainbow for a little while. This trip has become something of a tradition in the Lif family. Sometimes we go alone, sometimes we go with friends, Marc and I have gone before the kids were born and now we're bringing them. We look forward to it every year. I'm hoping this trip is extra relaxing because on Monday, with mixed emotions, I start my real life fulltime job again. More about that when I start. This week is about enjoying my last few days as a stay at home mom, with Dad on vacation and all 4 of us on our very first vacation as a unit.

If you can, say a special prayer that I don't run into to this guy- THE MONTAUK MONSTER **GASP**:



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Montauk_Monster

See y'all on the flip side. With fab pictures hopefully.

Pay it forward

Dude do you not realize that there are all kinds of groups online that are just asking to give free stuff away????

2 such groups I belong to are http://www.houseparty.com/ and www.bzzagent.com. Since I've become a member a few months ago I've been GIVEN multitudes of free cleaning supplies, a bomdigity $300 universal remote, free orange juice and free allergy medication. FREE. No questions asked. I just have to try the stuff out and tell people if I like it

If you like free stuff like I like free stuff go check out these sites. Sign up. Take the eleventy seven survey's you need to take and start getting your free shiz in the mail! There's my good deed for the day.

Haiku Friday #5 Some flower thing in my front yard

I figured I go back to basics with this weeks Haiku and since they are historically written about all things in nature I took a naturish photo (my very first one) of some plant that The Raving Mute planted in my yard and had a whirl.


Vibrant and lovely
Shades of blue, green, red and white
Greets me everyday

Thursday 13 #8 Eva to English Translations

Thirteen Things about Chrissy 1. Fwum up - I want to come up 2. I lus you- I love you 3. Uncle Fot- Uncle Scott 4. Mammar- Grandma 5. Senin- Seven (Related Kenin= Kevin) 6. Rock Omama- Barrack Obama (yes even my kid talks politics) 7. Boods- Bird 8. Rass- Giraffe 9. Fotdoo- Flower 10. Teenoo deepa- Change my diaper 11. Shubbies- Strawberries 12. Kekoo Baby right dare (pointing to tv)- Put Classical Baby on TV 13. ELMO- the part of the alphabet between the K and the P

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An apology to the boy child

He gets his legs from mama. One more thing I have to apologize for when he grows up that is truely beyond my control. I'm sorry Ookie but you really do make chunky look good.

90210 - The new and not so improved show

Ew. Is it me or has this show taken the famous zip code that we all know and love and have grown up with (anyone under the age of 35 that is) and smeared yucky teenage boy baby batter all over it's good name? I seriously feel violated. I can't for the life of me remember if the real 90210 had scenes with such young people in it doing such icky graphic things. I don't think they stooped to that level until at least the college years. Am I just old? Or does this show really suck as much monkey nut as I think it does?

Oh and by the way Jennie Garth- if you want to pass yourself off as an actual guidance counselor stop dressing like a complete ho bag.

Wordless Wednesday

Guide for the Meat Puppets

More ramblings from The Raving Mute:

These are the 5 Commandments of of the two faction one party system known as the GOPDNC which is commonly mistaken as being two distinct entities.

To All Apostles

1. We are the word, Thou shalt not speak no words but our words.
2. Honor the strategy meeting with lockstep lipservice to our platform.
3. Remember the talking points, keep them holy by constantly repeating them, until they change.
4. Faithfully adhere to the Alphabet Protocol of ABC. When describing our candidate thou shalt Always Be Complimenting. When describing their candidate thou shalt Always Be Criticising.
5. Thou shalt never answer an awkward question about our candidate except by turning the response into an attack on the opposition candidate.

For guidance on how to live by the Commandments, see examples below:
1. If our guy runs across the tarmac in a downpour to board a plane speak reverently about his commitment to get the job done and improve the quality of life for his constituents even at the risk of his own safety. End by postulating that perhaps there is some truth to the rumor that he actually does walk on water.
2. If their guy runs across the tarmac in a downpour to board a plane question in suspicious tones why he was in such a hurry to duck the press and sneak out of town in such a a surreptitious way. End with the observation that this is just one more example that this man doesn't have sense enough to come out of the rain.
3. Whenever you are asked a question about a position of ours that is unpopular with the public, answer by saying "That's not the point. The point is...". Then go into a litany of derogatory attacks on the oppositions position on the issue. If the interviewer continues to press you with the question, insist that you "have answered the question".

We are the GOPDNC and we approve this behavior. For further refinement of your skills read the pamplets below:

1. "Sarcasm trumps the facts" by Rush Limbaugh. "A physical deformity is just a visible manifestation of mental imcompetance. So shut up you Feeb. If it's sympathy you are looking for it's between swill and syphilis in the dictionary."

2. "Pejorative Tirades Inspire the Choir" by Keith Oberman. "Evan a one trick pony can land a good job if he is animated and can feign anger by throwing paper in the air."

3. Palliation and The Weasel Out" by Mike Nifong. "To the extent that I may have unintentionally mispoken about some minor facts. I was misquoted and besides I never said pinkie promise."

4. "Duck Speak Raised to a High Art Form" by George Orwell. "When used to describe a party member it's a compliment. When used to describe the opposition it's a criticism."

5. "When you take the Man's money, you ride for the brand" Co-authored by Carl Rove and Bob Beckel. "There is no act so questionable that it cannot be either exaggerated or explained away. It all depends on which party the culprit or innocently accused belongs to."

The Fred
AKA The Raving Mute